It's suddenly midday and I am tearing up newspapers into little strips and manically scribbling on any piece of paper in sight (turns out my mum needed that letter to claim some money back) because I am driven insane from lying in bed watching another dismal couple on the television buy a house in the country in a desperate attempt to miraculously make their lives better!
Or watching two teams in ugly, bright red and blue fleeces buy old stuff off of dead people's relatives and try to sell it at auction only to make a loss, but it's all fun and games because it's someone else's money they're losing! And to think some poor old woman probably thought her ceramic dog was going to be passed on down the family for generations and in reality it's getting flogged by strangers to other strangers who don't even want it, they only bid to hopefully get on TV for 5 seconds of fame.
And these are the cheery programs, don't even get me started on Jeremy Kyle! Basically, lying in bed watching daytime TV is grim and depressing.
However, trying to keep yourself continuously busy is ridiculously tiring, and another important thing to remember when your mind is ill is to not let it drag your body down with it. Looking after yourself and your health is important and sometimes the only way to lose the stress is to do nothing at all. My advice would be to make sure there is someone else with you, that way when you start thinking negative things such as "I'm a waste of space, I'm doing nothing with my life, I should be out in the world achieving great things", you can console yourself with the fact that the other person you're with is just as much of a waste of space. Drag someone else down with you.
Tuesday I did absolutely nothing and it was great. Jack and I went for a mindless amble down the ridiculously random shops of main street with nothing of great importance in our heads at all, and then I discovered this little gem...
It was tucked away in the kids books sold in The Original Factory Shop and it has mesmerized me with it's brilliance. I have read a lot of literature on depression and anxiety recently, and I have got to say this has been the most inspiring.
It's just beautiful how it picks out all these little, almost insignificant moments in life and points out just how great they are!
I have now set myself the task of doing all these little things that you forget about in the chaos of growing up and taking a moment to appreciate just how great they are.
Today I have done this one.
I didn't greet my mum by taking a big whiff of her head, but got my hair done myself all nice and pretty smelling at Nicky Clarke. Last week I was so miserable and my mum said I looked like a drug dealer because I had let myself go so much and my hair was so nasty. One of the most memorable parts of Sylvia Plath's tragic novel The Bell Jar is when Esther gives up on life to the extent that she stops washing herself or caring what she looks like, a big deal in a society focused on women's appearances. So I guess another important part of looking after yourself is setting some time where you totally indulge in a lovely hair treatment, especially if it's in a place where they bring you free cups of tea and hot chocolate and let you play on their iPad.
|silky, smelly hair|
And most importantly, a place that makes you leave feeling special and silky because you're hair smells amazing. Isn't it great?!
|me walking round town with hair like roses|
Isn't it great, part 2