Quite often I find myself pacing around the house feeling restless and unproductive and it drives me crazy. I can't stand watching evening after evening slip by and feeling like I did absolutely nothing. Really, I should use this free time to write a book or learn a new instrument, but my attention span is rubbish at the moment. So I bake cakes instead. Many evenings I will up past 11 at night mixing batter and icing buns, I know if someone peeped through the window I'd look like a crazy person, but then the creepy person peering through windows isn't exactly normal either...
I find baking very therapeutic and would highly recommend it to anyone who feels anxious. For those few hours of baking, all that matters is the outcome of a cake, and it's ridiculously satisfying baking a successful cake. Decorating cake is so fun as well. I love pink icing and sprinkles and edible shiny balls, they must make everyone smile!
The only problem is you end up with tons and tons of cake, and by the time I've baked them all and eaten all the left over batter, the last thing I want is cake. We had this predicament just the other week after I made the most amazing chocolate cake ever, sat under a blanket of amazing chocolate ganache. It was massive and my dad suggested bringing some into work at his school to share with the teachers I work with. For some strange reason I would rather have thrown the whole cake in the bin than walk into the school with a cake tin and offer it out, that's the kind of thing that makes me incredibly nervous and panicky. What if no no one wants the cake? Then they'll just feel uncomfortable and might take some just to be polite but I can tell and then I feel guilty for force feeding them cake?! Or, what if they just say no? Then what do I say, standing there with my sad, neglected chocolate cake?! What if they don't like it, and I find it later sneakily thrown in the bin, hidden under a napkin?! Then I have to pretend not to have seen it, and I'll be living a lie for the rest of my life with these people who threw away my chocolate cake. All these stupid worries have to be taken into consideration when it comes to cake!
My mum insisted I took the cake as "otherwise you'll just eat it all then cry about how much cake you've eaten!". Feeling like a little girl bringing her favourite teacher her homemade buns I carried the cake tin into school, my face as bright red as the cherries on the tin's pattern. All morning I was dreading first break as that was cake time, all through the first two lessons I had a fluffy stomach full of fear like I had an exam coming. I know this is stupid but I just find things like this so unbelievably embarrassing. When the bell rang I grabbed the tin, shoved it in the office and walked away. If they wanted the cake then they can take it, with no pressure from me, if they don't want it then that's their decision and I'm not there to make them feel bad. Sorted. Mystery cake that appears from nowhere must be better than forced cake, presented to you eagerly by the person that baked it, the hope and fear in their eyes making the cake taste like guilt.
I went back for the tin at the end of the day, sneakily so no one would see of course. There was two slices left. Someone hadn't wanted my cake. I think it helped to not know who had turned down my cake. But now I have to work with these people week after week, never knowing who it was that hated my cake.. probably thought it was disgusting.. probably hate me because of it...
Lesson here... baking cakes makes me happy, but making too much is a cake mistake. As much as everyone loves the saying, 'let them eat cake!' it's important to consider that maybe they don't want to eat cake, so try not to take it too personally.
Now here's some pretty pictures of lovely cakes I've made.. :)